When I Don’t Desire God

I think today is gonna be one of those days where different emotions set in and thoughts arise. Now before you think that I’m all upset and going to splash my concerns over a blog that no one wants to read, just hold tight and hear what I have to say.

Friday, I was in search of an encouraging book. A book that may have some insight as to why I once desired God so much and now I find it a struggle to more times then not. Unfortunately the one I found is not in stock anywhere. (great now to wait for it come in, so I got a different book. ) A friend and I are sort of on the same trek together and we decided to get see if there was some sort of book that maybe could point insight to our dilemma. (don’t judge me for thinking a book may help, maybe that’s your problem, and I NOT trying to be mean, just sharing…) I was opposed to the idea of a book at first, cause why would I need to search out in a book my problem when I knew what it was? But to my surprise in the first few pages, I felt like crying, it really touched me. I didn’t get to go too deep into it at the moment, but today will be the day where I can really plug into it. My friend said that she was not sure about it yet, as she read to the end of chapter one. But we’ll see.

I have also started to read devotionals every day and a verse to go with it. That has been a real refresher, because for me, whenever I take a step back and find myself in my own world and realized I left the Lord behind me, I am now standing on a very thin rope. My wants and feelings get all messed up. I get in a bad mood and treat people like crap. I wanna run to every WRONG thing and partake in it a thousand-fold.

The verse of the day today was like a stake in the ground, like a pillar made for a vow or a promise: Ephesians 6:10-11; Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the FULL armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes. I don’t know about you, but this hit me different today. I have read this a bunch of times, but haven’t for a while. That is my answer to the questions: “where have you been Lord? why have you been silent? why do I want to follow evil?” If I am not placing the armor on EVERY day, then I may as well sign my name on the doted line and give over all rights to sanity and peace . . . with God!

When the thoughts come and feelings tell me to run with my rebellious ambitions . . . I need to realize, I can’t mess around. There is not enough time. I KNOW better than to play with the ideas in my head and go with what I feel all the time. I need to stick to the Lord and run after Him even with everything I carry along the way . . . and when that happens, I find that as I get closer to Him, the things that once hung on me like heavy chains, now are far behind. Inspiration whispers in my ear again. Beauty runs away with me. I find life in everything again . . . once I take the maker around with me close to my heart.

Lastly, another friend posted something on her blog and I’d like to share. I recently lost my grandpa and still have a hard time with it. The way that I released what I was feeling was through totally wrong venues. And having lost him was the topping to everything else I have been feeling and dealing with the last year . . . so this really ministered to me.:
He is Here–Anyway by Ruth Senter

God is everywhere present, so why am I surprised when I find Him in unexpected places? Royalty in a barn? Sovereignty riding a common colt through the streets of Jerusalem? Peace by the bedside of a friend’s mother who is dying of leukemia? Expectations are disappointed. Plans are thwarted. I do not like what life does to people and plans.

But the very essence of God is that He is here anyway. No, the conditions are not right. But He is here–perhaps even more so because the conditions are not right. The conditions were not right when He came. There was no room in the inn. The conditions were not right when He died. They crucified Him with two criminals, one on each side. Not until He comes again will be conditions ever be right.

But the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. (John 1:14) It is the height of incongruity. It is in His humanity that we catch glimpses of Christ’s divinity. The shepherds came to the stable and found a King. The people lined the streets of Jerusalem for a common colt and found the Messiah. So I must go through the death of a friend and know peace. For God often chooses to couch His lessons in places and situations that don’t make sense. But He is God, and HE is there. I will find Him, if I will but look.

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By Christi

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