I deserve what I don’t deserve

I have been thinking about this phrase, above in the title, for months now. Its funny when you say it to others and then suddenly reminded that this applies to you as well. Maybe its God trying to get my attention and telling me that I am worth more than I will ever know or believe. That this is something He is going to work in me while I figure out how to write it all out. There’s times when you feel so loved by God and then there’s times when you find it hard to believe that He could ever love you and want to spend time with you. I think it has taken me so long to write this blog because I know the Lord wants to work on me through it and frankly, I’m scared. Scared of the things that may come up. The things that I have tucked away from everyone. Even now as I am typing, I’m getting those nervous butterflies in my stomach.

There are times in all of our lives when we think we are all rubbish and no good for nothing. Our perspective can be so contorted to the point that we start thinking we look like mutants. I know the devil really likes those times cause he can whisper in our ear and get us to second guess ourselves and feel not worthy. We, as humans, all think that we don’t deserve things. As Christ followers, we have times where we think we are not good for the calling the Lord has given us. But I think He would like to remind us all, myself included, that we deserve everything because He loves us and wants us.

When I first started to think about this phrase it was when I was in one of those moods where I was feeling useless and thinking of everything I have ever done and thought, “you know, I don’t deserve for things to go right in my life, I have not been faithful to the Lord.” “I don’t deserve to have an awesome Godly man of God that has been faithful his whole life, when I haven’t.” But as I thought about this, something came to mind . . . I don’t deserve anything, but because Christ died for my sins, I deserve EVERYTHING. I don’t deserve the breath in my lungs, but I deserve to breathe. I don’t deserve love, but I deserve to be loved. He became the consequence of my sin. He bore it all on the cross, so that I can live. I deserve what I don’t deserve.

That phrase started to became a righteous anger, that you know what, I DO deserve what I don’t deserve. I am evil, sinful and sometimes the walk with Christ is more of a slivering on the floor like a snake, but because God loves me and sent His son to die on a cross for me, I deserve the world. It brought my spirits up a bit. The Lord wants to give good gifts to His children. So when I think, “oh crap, I messed up again, I’m so far from God.” If I just turn to Him and He gives me life again. It would be like Him to give us something we don’t deserve. After all, we are still alive and aloud to make the step back to Him.

So in closing to this lengthy blog, I deserve to have Christ, because I don’t deserve Him.

By Christi

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