In talking to someone last week about emotions, they stated how I shouldn’t let things effect me….my response was very proud in saying, “I think I have the right, giving what I grew up in.” They responded in agreement. Now thinking about that, I had a thought, I may have a right, but in saying that it is almost like I am claiming that as my bondage for all eternity, my some sort of cross to bear. I started to realize that that was kind of backwards thinking. It’s almost like saying, “hey, I used to be poor all my life, I HAVE to steal to feed myself!” Like having struggles and trials growing up is some sort of excuse to continue in bondage.
If I am truly wanting to be free and walk away from it all, then I can’t keep “accepting” that I will carry this around with me my whole life. I will always have the memories, but can truly lay it down at the foot of the cross and ask G-d to heal me, again. And whether or not I lay it down once a day or multiple times, He is right there to give me comfort and be the hand I need to pull me out.
I think when you find that place of aloneness, it can be a very broken, yet scary place. I can speak from experience. I never like to be alone and do “nothing”, it brings up too many thoughts and emotions I never want to deal with. But there is significance in those places where I believe the Lord dwells. He is there in the pain and sorrow and if we are not willing to sit in it with Him, to feel it “with” Him, then how are we ever going to be able to walk away from it? It’s okay to “feel” it, to get THROUGH it. To run backwards away from it or to just pitch a tent and live there is the complete WRONG thing to do.
G-d is my helper, the lifter of my head, the provider of my needs and if I need to just sit there and cry, then He is there to help, if I but reach for Him.
You don’t get to tear me apart, steal my soul and leave me hard
You can’t have control anymore, leave my soul and heart alone
I’m a child of the King and redemption is for me
I’m a child of the King and His love has set me free